Am I losing my voice?
For the last few weeks there has been a small battle raging in my head that draws the line between my first thoughts and the changes I'm trying to make in my life about how I relate to certain topics, issues, and people. Because I am so aware of what I'm thinking, I've been doing a lot of thinking before I speak. This is something that I've been proud of myself for because all too often I just allow the first thing that pops into my head to come flying out. It was brought to my attention today by my therapist that perhaps I'm not allowing myself to be fully heard because I am censoring myself too much. Once again, I need to find some balance. When do I need to be honest with what I'm feeling and when is it okay to take time and think about how I'm feeling before I respond? I've been doing so well with examining my feelings and thoughts, but now it feels as though maybe they are pilling on top of each other because they aren't getting released at all. I feel frustrated and really the only person to blame is myself, because I've chosen to silence myself.
I'm very good at meeting other peoples needs, when I know what they are. But, am I good also at expressing my own needs and wants? Further more, if I really sit down and think about it, do I really know what my needs are? For a long time I've been focused always on the needs of others that it is a tricky question to ask what I want. Maybe I really don't know, or maybe, I just haven't taken the time to dive in and figure it out.
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