I sometimes have the urge to control everything in my life. Even the aspects that are nowhere within control at all. I've had plenty of moments where something has just seemed unmanageable to myself, so my way of controlling it is to just walk away from it. I'm trying really hard to not do that now with a few situations in my life. The funny thing about life is that you can't control everything and sometimes things just need to play out and whatever happens happens. I have a VERY hard time doing that. I want to know why and how come about everything, and RIGHT NOW! I'm not always the best at just rolling with it. Although, I would like to be much better at it. If I could manage to really just live in the moment more, then I guess I wouldn't worry so much about what's going to happen next, and I'd just be able to enjoy whatever in going on in front of me. Sometimes I just think too much about the next step or what tomorrow brings. A lot of times, in my efforts to control things, I end up busting them into a million pieces. It's very hard to keep yourself in check and stop yourself from not doing it. Even trying to give up control gives me a bit of anxiety, I'm learning how to deal with it.
It's rough.
Stalking, I learned all about it from my best friend.
Yesterday was a beautiful day in NYC. It was sunny and beautiful outside, but of course after working, I didn't get up until 1pm. I left my apartment with 45 minutes until rehearsal to grab coffee and take a short stroll. Picking up my coffee at my usually Starbucks, I started walking down 9th avenue. Hitting 44th street, I crossed and began to walk back uptown. In front of me, a couple caught my eye. The girl seems thin, beautiful, in shape and in very fresh clean clothing. The man who's arm she was attached too was wearing ripped jeans, an old jacket and an interesting hat. Something about them struck me as very interesting. Maybe it was the body language, how clearly she was drawn to him and hanging on his every word. I don't know exactly what it was, but I followed them as they walked hand in hand. The rest of the world didn't seem to matter at all to them. When it came to my block to turn left, then continued, so I figured I had a bit of time and tagged along. I ended up following them until they ducked into a restaurant. If I had more time, I may have ducked in too. I've never followed someone before, or a couple and I'm not sure why I felt the need to. But, there was just something beautiful about them, I wanted to learn more.
Today, on my way to the gym, the same woman came rushing by me. Alone. I couldn't help but stop and take in the moment. No, I didn't follow her, but it was interesting to see her in such a hurry, almost panicked and just different then how I had seen her the day before with her lover. I'm infatuated with people that are in love, I want to know everything about who they both are, why they are in love, how it happened. I want to know how they feel when they are apart, who them become. I imagine they both have very exciting creative lives and a terribly romantic relationship. Of course, I could be wrong, I probably am wrong. But, I'd rather think I'm right.
No comments:
Post a Comment