Today is one of those days where I don't know exactly where I stand. The ground feels a little shaky and I'm not sure exactly what way I might tumble. But, why do I assume I will tumble? Can't I just take a deep breathe and gain my balance once again? I've heard from a close friend recently that when you choose to make a lot of changes to your life at one time, it can be very unsettling, but eventually it balances out and you just have to give it time. I feel like I might be working towards that balance, but it's a Hell of a ride and I feel like I could collapse at any moment. With that said, I don't feel like I'm anywhere near a breakdown, but a bit emotional.
The other day I came to the realization that the only "working" relationship I saw growing up was the one between my sister and her high school boyfriend. At the age of around 15, what sort of real functioning relationship could they really have had? From what I remember, not one that was built around mutual respect and pure love for one another. That is in no way to say that they had a "bad" relationship, but when you're so young I don't think anyone knows how to have a "good" relationship. And when you're 15, who can really be held accountable for anything you've done? No one. So, here is the fucked up part, I think because that was the only "working" relationship I saw (working meaning lasting for a few years) I feel that I might base all of my relationships on how I saw theirs work. Yes, as an adult, I've possibly based how a working relationship should work on one my sister had when she was 15. FUCKED UP. Clearly, I have to change my perspective and how I see relationship.
Yesterday I was reminded of this verse from the Bible:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - excerpts from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
And, that seems like a pretty good place to start.
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