Week 1, Day 7

Walking down the street the other day I came across this. I enjoyed it, so I took a picture.

Week 1 Artist's Date.

All week long I've been cleaning up my apartment, painting, hanging photos and really trying to make this apartment my own. Everyday I've been doing something artistic, so for my artist's date, I decided to take a break from it and allow myself to relax. I went to see Little Fockers, by myself. Going to a movie by myself doesn't bother me in the least, neither does going to a nice restaurant. Doing activities alone just doesn't bother me and isn't a struggle. For a lot of people I can see how it could be really intimidating, but I enjoy it. I got the largest popcorn they had (as I ALWAYS do) and sat down at the AMC on 42nd street. I choose Little Fockers because I enjoyed the first two "Focker" movies so much and I needed a good laugh. Sadly, the movie wasn't as great as I expected. I only laughed out loud once. Still, I enjoyed the break from all the work I've been doing and felt refreshed and ready to go again after.

Task: Do Nothing.

The last task to accomplish this week was the task of "Do Nothing". The instructions said to put on soft music, lay back and for 15 minutes allow yourself to do nothing and let your mind wander. I picked out a few songs from my iTunes, laid back, and tried to clear my mind from the list of things I wanted to accomplish today. Before I knew it, my mind was creating flying colors and mists that collided and danced to the mellow songs I had picked. I very much enjoy modern piano music, but, does anyone know of anyone that records without vocals? I found that in my trance I was taken out of it by the vocals of songs, but drawn in my the beats and rhythms. If this is a task that I have to do next week, I hope to find music that really allows me to crawl out of my skin and go for a ride. Afterwords, I did feel a sort of centeredness, but not as deep as after a yoga class or a meditation. But, I found the creativeness of the "doing nothing" to be far more then that of a yoga class or meditation.

Morning Pages.

I had a very weird dream last night about being at a family function, thanksgiving, christmas, something along those lines. My father wanted to leave and go to Jay's Sporting Goods, a large hunting/athletic store in Clare, MI, and this angered my mom. Here is the twist, the large family was definitely that of my mom's, but the role of my mom was played by my step-mom. Then I noticed part of the family eating was my step-moms. Oh, also, this dinner was more of a picnic and in a park. Tori Amos was preforming too, I mentioned this was a very weird dream, so just roll with it. An entire cart of desserts was rolled out, and I picked a cheesecake jello dessert with vanilla ice cream. Cheesecake and jello? I have no idea where I got that from. In the dream is was delicious but, I can't imagine in real life it would be wroth the fat content. Eventually, Tori stopped playing and was doing a signing. She was kind of a bitch to me, and I don't know why. I've actually met her at a CD signing before and she was delightful, so I have no idea why I'd see her a different way now. Then, I woke up. Why is this relevant you ask? I wasn't sure that it was until I started writing about the dream in my morning pages. When I was a child, and my parents were still married there was a year that my father decided he didn't want to go to my mom's parents house for the holidays anymore. He asked up before how we felt about it and then my sisters and I all brought it up to my mom with my dad. My father has never gotten along with her father, and as a kid I was very shy. I hated being around the large family and I was constantly uncomfortable, always feeling like an outsider looking in. I'm guessing that I was approximately 8 at the time. I remember how upset my mom got when we talked about not wanting to go. Only now can I look at it from her point of view and think about how much that must have hurt her feelings to hear her husband and kids say they didn't want to go to her parents for the holidays anymore. She probably felt ganged up upon and attacked. I think I would have cried too.

I'm not sure exactly where all this falls into place within this journey, but I'm documenting it now and perhaps it will become more relevant and valid later on. Only time can tell.

Week 1 Wrap-up.

This is it. 7 days, 1 week. I haven't drank, smoked or had sex. What's sort of funny is that this morning I woke up and almost felt hungover, even though I haven't drank. Usually a sat morning is greeted with a bit of a hangover. Although I didn't drink last night, it was like my body and mind remembered. How quickly things can become patterns, and know it's time to see how quickly a pattern can be broken.

1 week walking, 11 more to go.