Week 4, Day 7

CLOSING UP WEEK 4!

I guess today sort of, kind of, constitutes as a month. January isn't over, but it has been 4 complete weeks. I feel like I've hit some sort of rough patch and it's really been tough on me. I just feel frustrated, but I haven't given up. I know that nothing worth anything is easy to get, so I am just choosing to push on and see what happens. This entire week I've been surprised by what the slightest insecurities have caused me to want to do. From drinking, to smoking, to sex, all of which I didn't do. It wasn't until this week that I realized I do have a lot of things that I cling to in order to stay in a feeling and stance of control. When, all of them really just make me in less control. I know all of my answers can be found out there, I just have to look and eventually I think I'll be happy with what I find.

MORNING PAGES! CHECK.

TASK: ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE

I had to finish the phrase, 10 times, "Secretly, I would love to...."

After listing my ten secrets, I picked one to write about for 15 minutes. I wrote about dancing. I miss dancing. It's been a very long time since I've been out to a club (when I wasn't working) and just danced and had fun. It's been so long that I can't even remember the last time. When I was in high school I had a buddy that I would always go out with on the weekends. For hours we would dance and nothing else in the world seemed to matter. Neither of us had any cares, any unmet needs, nothing. All we heard and felt were the vibrations of the music and our feet floating above the floor. For hours we would thrash around uncontrollably and be teenagers. We were free. I miss dancing like that, when the entire world would seem to just rip apart at the seams.

TASK: Invention vs. Convention

This exercise asks you to have a conversation with yourself between what would be considered the artistic side (the emotional side and so forth) and the logical side.

My conversation actually went really well and I felt like I learned a little bit. A lot of the questions that I might be trying to look for, they already exist in myself. I need to be more open to hearing them and letting them guide me.

TOMORROW- Week 5, Discovering a Sense of Personal Territory.